To get laid of course!
Well that’s what I heard from a certain tall, tanned, semi-muscular, single gentleman. He was absolutely adamant that intercourse was his primary motive. He also said that while he was working out, he would think about potential conquests (some of whom may have been sharing the gym at the time), and that spurred him to push himself harder. He would remind himself that every extra pound that he racked onto a leg press was helping his glutes release more growth hormones, and every extra rep was helping to improve his bedroom stamina.
But the additional torture was not for him, he was clear on this point. No. It was never for him, it was all for them. He compared his contribution to women with that of Einstein’s contribution to science and Jordan Belfort’s contribution to shrewd investment advice.
I’ll probably never know just how many other people share Ron Burgundy’s motivation. But I do know that it’s difficult for most people to find any motivation whatsoever. Other than the obvious physical benefits, here are some more – not so well known – compelling reasons to exercise.
Happiness… According to Gretchen Rubin, author of the bestselling book, The Happiness Project, exercise is a “keystone” habit. Which means it’s a catalyst for other good habits. For example, people who exercise at least 30 minutes each day are more likely to make their bed (another keystone habit). They’re also more likely to stick to a budget, be punctual, be more productive and generally happier. So making time for exercise will benefit you in a multitude of different ways, and may even help you lead a happier, more successful and fulfilling life.
Longevity… “Building physical activity back into our daily lives is one of the great public health challenges of this century,” said Russell Pate, Ph.D., and professor in the Department of Exercise at the University of South Carolina. “Our bodies were designed to be physically active, and they don’t do well with long-term exposure to sedentary living. Lack of physical activity is a major risk factor for cardiovascular disease.”
Here are some of Dr. Pate’s tips for getting active: (please note that Dr. Pate’s tips are in bold text, followed by my supportive comments which are not in bold)
1. Dust off the leash and walk your dog. It’s a great activity for you both… Plus you can make this a sure fire way to pick up. If you don’t have a dog, borrow one, the cutest you can find. A puppy would be perfect. Then train your dog to play a different kind of fetch. The kind where you throw the ball but instead of returning the ball to you, your dog takes it to the person nearest them. All you have to do is, accidentally on purpose… throw the ball near that guy or girl you’d like to meet. And B-I-N-G-O!
You should practise in your back yard with a jack-o-lantern or a homemade life-sized wax replica of Margaret Thatcher. Two reasons – 1: Not making it too obvious might require a lot of practice, so you’re best do this privately to avoid getting noticed by those goodie-two-shoes litigious types. 2: It’s your taste in people that matters, not your dogs’, no matter how twisted you might be.
2. Take your child for a walk. It’s an excellent way to get some one-on-one time with your offspring (or one-on-three, depending on the size of your brood.)… If parental bonding is not your cup of tea, throw in a game of hide and go seek. Get them to do the hiding while you count to one hundred. Then duck back home for a glass of wine and some Bold and the Beautiful. Make sure that you point out to them that one hundred is a really big number, because it is.
That should buy you more than enough time to finish the whole bottle, see Ridge and Brooke divorce, remarry and divorce again, and all the while, you get to enjoy some much deserved alone time.
Bad parenting? No way!
You’ll be teaching your child the value of independence. Nobody wants them hanging around home until they’re 50. Raising kids is expensive but love is free, or at the very least, it’s cheap, especially the tough variety.
3. Grocery shopping aerobics… Notice the supermarket zombies? All slowly shuffling their way along the aisles in their semi-comas. This is your chance to do it different and burn extra calories at the same time. Grab your shopping trolley and run. Sprint like you’re chasing Olympic Gold. Even (or especially), if you’re not there to actually purchase anything.
Those trolleys were never designed to travel in a straight line so there are sure to be a few collisions and some minor injuries. We can’t wrap the whole world in cotton wool forever, can we now. And, in your defence, supermarket aisles are not speed limited, not yet anyway.
So run fatso! RUN!
4. Buy in bulk and bulk up… If you went to the supermarket to actually purchase something, buy everything in bulk. Grab the biggest and heaviest bulk purchase of every item that you can. And run with that bad boy trolley. Really Run. Oh Yeah! And when you get to your car, practise to lift them in and out multiple times. You could start with a set of 10 reps with 20 pounds of potatoes. Then try another 10 reps with that gallon sized jar of green pickles.
Nobody else in the car park will question you because you’ll look like a nutter but they won’t really care. And after a few months they won’t question you because all of that resistance training will have you looking toned, cut and chiselled, and then everybody will care.
5. Walk and talk. Even if you’re glued to your phone for work calls, you don’t have to be glued to your seat. Make it a habit to walk and talk… But why walk when you could run? Go hands-free if you can and thrust your arms back and forth as quick as you can, you’ll run faster that way, or just get more puffed.
Either way, some low level panting will inspire your caller keep their business succinct and to the point.
If they’re calling to delegate some work your way and you sound fatigued, they might consider delegating it to somebody else. Heavier panting helps too. Nobody wants to be on the phone with somebody who sounds like they’re having a heart attack.
6. Dance! Do it in a ballroom, at a club or even in your living room. You’ll burn calories and gain a new hobby… When is the last time that you broke out into spontaneous self-expression, even in a crowd of people, and danced like nobody was watching? If your answer is, “Every time I use the microwave and I have no idea why”, then you probably need professional help. Perhaps you may, unwittingly, be harbouring an hypnotic suggestion to do so, triggered by the beep from your microwave when its’ work is done. If a shrink is out of your budget just buy a new microwave.
For the rest of us, this has a bunch of great benefits, including again… a great way to pick up! No dogs or balls required, well no dogs anyway, depending on your gender. Don’t doubt yourself for one second. If Napoleon Dynamite can do it, we all can! Go and get yourself some professional dance lessons and strut your stuff into imminent happiness, popularity and longevity!
Why not try all of the above? You never know but something, nestled away in all of this brilliance might also improve your love life.